good night, nurse!

[disclaimer: this post will be neither fun or upbeat}

tonight added insult to injury. i got a ticket because i ran a red light when i was following someone in my rental car that i'm driving because my real car's alternator went out and i was in a wreck so the bumper needs to be fixed. re-read that sentance if you didn't quite get how awful my car luck has been lately.

i just didn't want to get lost in a strange town at night. thank you "officer alphabet" (i'm not kidding...that's what he told me to call him" and might i add a big gold star to his badge because he confirmed that HE successfully made it through austin, so I shouldn't worry about finding my way around abilene. bastard.

to make matters worse...i have this emptiness in the pit of my soul that makes me ache on a daily basis. i can't remember a day in a long time that i haven't prayed to God that i wouldn't feel so alone and of course to question why. god, this is so personal. please don't judge me. i'm not sure if writing this out actually helps or if it is only making me feel insecure. i'm not writing this because i want to talk about it in person...i'm writing, because i felt i needed to be honest if not to anyone else but myself.

i think i need a vacation. a real vacation. the kind where there is truly no agenda and it seems to drag on for days and you think it will never end. haha...are there ever vacations that are really like that? ...and you know i never write out laughter on my blog.

here's at least one good note to end on. the other night jaimie and i were sitting around the house and she was complaining that her hair looked like a cantelope. and i said, "wait...sliced or whole?" WHOLE! it's so round. and i said, "oh honey, your hair hasn't looked round like a cantelope since the fall of 1999. remember? she pleaded for me not to bring them out, but i couldn't resist. we laughed and laughed. how did those pale faced, dark brown hair girls with a fashion sense that bordered questionable (we seriously thought it was cool to wear sweaters and button downs to parties...except they were buttoned all the way up...) make and keep friends and better yet get into a respectable sorority?? i'll never know, but i'll always hope for the day when i can post pictures of those early memories on here or facebook. that will be a happy day!