city guide

the other night I attended a party where I knew one other person well and had been previously acquainted with a couple others on another night when I had seen the bottom of a few adult drinks. mostly I hovered over the food table and found comfort and security in my chardonnay.

until i fell conveniently into the role of austin city guide to three eager ohio state fans ready to take on my old stomping grounds at the start of football season.

"so, do you have tickets to the game?"
"not yet. what should we do?"
"take out a loan! you will not get in for a small price."

as i began to give advice on places to go it dawned on me - a bar is a bar, especially if you're out of town and you're used to paying $20 for a well drink, austin is going to seem like a promise land with golden streets.

"i'm not going to waste my time on telling you what bars to go to, beacause all off the bars a great, but i will direct you as far as food goes."
"if the bars are so great, why did you move?"
"...(despite what you think...i didn't live at the bar) umm...well why not?"
"cool...why not!"

i was amazing one of the boys by the cheap prices they would encounter over there three day weekend. they loved that they wouldn't have to drop $100s of dollars at the bars. and out of no where one looks at me and says...

"what is the worst place in the country you could ever have to move?"
"umm...(this is a tricky question. i lived in texas for 25 years. the worst place i could move would be arkansas, but this is the midwest. arkansas is not their 'worst' state) Milwaukee?? (sounds like a bad midwestern place...i don't know...i don't want to move there.)
"NO!!! think of someone who has grown up in corn fields and on a farm!"
"omaha? (again...do you mean you want to get back there or you don't?)... lincoln?"
"NO!!!! NEW YORK CITY!!!!!"

hey corn picker...you live in chicago. not exactly know for its farming community. unless you count the faux farm at the lincoln park zoo!