Tuesday, June 17, 2008

the baby conversation

when justin and i were first going through our marital counseling he thought he'd want to start trying for babies after our first year of marriage. this is when he thought kids were all giggles and barbies and baseball games and trips to toys r us. six months into the marriage he turned to me and said, "You know how i thought i wanted kids after being married a year?" "Yeah..." "I really like our life and how we live and i think i want to wait more like 5 years." music to my ears.

i like our life too. it's not over the top or extravagant, but it is splendidly ours and it's wonderful.

when i was in texas i got to spend time with a 1 month old, a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a 6 year old. there was a point when the 1 month old was screaming and spitting up (this is what they call throw up for babies - throw up is throw up) and i thought i am NEVER going to be cut out for this kind of work. and a good friend told me some thing to the effect that i may never feel ready and if i don't, i shouldn't force myself to have kids. it's not right for everyone.

naturally, as newlyweds, we get the baby question a lot. i think, even in 2008, people still believe that just because you get married you HAVE to have children. if no one has every told you this, allow me - you don't have to be a parent just because you are a spouse. now - for the people who can't have children and are heartbroken each month - my heart ACHES for you. i hate that life is so unfair.

then one afternoon the 3 year old and the 6 year old crawled into my lap and we laughed and snuggled. maybe i could do this.

just the other night justin and i were watching one of our very favorite shows - Jon and Kate Plus 8. if you are not watching this, then you need to be. single, married, parent, grand parent, girl, guy - it's great for everyone! it's funny and cute and keeps life in perspective. if kate can do for 8 children what i would struggle with for 1 then i am impressed. justin looks over during a recent episode and says, "can you take fertility drugs to get pregnant with twins and then go off of them?" and i'm thinking if we ended up with 6 at once i'm afraid he'd be enjoying life as a single dad, because i would be running for the funny farm asap.

for now we'll be sticking to the natural 5 year plan...maybe longer.